Maybe

Maybe it were those late night cigarettes, and the stars you put in my sky.

Our voices echoing through empty streets, so happy I could die.

Maybe it was the sound of your laughter, like the rain on a Sunday afternoon.

You were my infinite ocean with tides so high, the music to my monsoon.

Maybe it was the summer sun, warm coffee in winter time.

The lights were slowly fading away, and I lost what was mine.

Regrets

I sat down on a vacant seat at the station and waited for my train. I took a sip of my caramel iced coffee and instantly regretted getting it. It was too sweet for my taste. As I waited, I fiddled with my phone, checking it for a text I know I will never receive. 0 new messages said my phone. I missed him and there was nothing i could do about it except pretend I did not and it was hard. Oh, it was so hard but that is the only option you have when someone wakes up one day and decides you are bad for them. Its crazy isn't it? How someone who promised you the moon and stars seems to just let go of you because they can't keep their promises even though you don't want them to leave? I'm getting used to being on my own but somehow, i hope he comes back. I hope he remembers what we had in the beginning and realizes how much he loves me and comes back but I shouldn't hope for such things. I really shouldn't because it will never happen and I was slowly coming to terms with that. I saw my train arrive at the platform and rushed in. I secured a seat next to a pretty lady in a business suit and across a couple. Ugh, the last thing I needed was to see a happy couple make a fuss over each other. I looked away the second I saw them kiss and fought the urge to yell "get a room" at them. That boy might break her heart and leave her in another one week and that girl will be left abandoned and alone because isn't that what happens with everyone? I wondered how many people in the train had ever gotten their hearts broken. I decided to ditch these thoughts as soon as i felt my eyes swelling up. No, not here, not now. I looked out of the window, watched as the world rushed by and took another sip of the repulsive iced coffee I had bought. 
"Its a lovely weather isn't it?" asked the pretty lady in the business suit. I smiled and secretly hoped she would say no more. If there is anything I hate more than happy couples, it is small talk with strangers. Just as the woman started to say something else, my phone beeped. It was probably mom asking what is taking me so long but it wasn't mom.
It was him. I started at my phone's screen. "New message received from DO NOT CALL/TEXT HIM" With trembling hands I opened the text.
"I miss you."
I stared at my phone some more. "Are you okay, hon?" asked the woman, "You look a little pale." 
"I'm fine." I spat out my standard reply to everything. If only she knew, I wasn't fine at all.
No. I couldn't possibly let him hurt me again. I wasn't going to give in again. He will fix everything and make me happy and then just leave. He'll just abandon me like he did before. No.
And then, I texted back, compiling everything I went through after he left in one text and as I sent it, I started to regret it just like i regretted my caramel coffee because my text said the complete opposite of what I had convinced myself not to say. 
My text said "I miss you too." 

Grey Skies

She woke up to the sound of the rain falling on her window pane. She could hear Stevie Wonder play somewhere in the house. She sat up, rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked out the window. It was a rather gloomy Sunday. Grey clouds hung in the sky with the occasional pitter patter of the rain. The grey skies were in a contrast to the happy yellow curtains in the room. A faint smell of wet mud hung in the air but the smell of morning coffee seemed to overpower it. She tied her hair and failed at an attempt to tie a perfect bun. Her chestnut fringes fell on her perfect round face, bringing out the colour in her eyes. She made her way to the kitchen and saw an empty pizza box from last night abandoned on the kitchen counter. Memory flashes from last night hit her. It had been perfect. He stayed at home with her. They first watched her favorite movie, then his. They ordered pizza and had cookie dough ice cream for dessert. They spoke about music, books, art. They spoke about how different life would have been if he wasn't to leave. She smiled. It was a bitter smile. She loved yesterday but she knew she could never have it again. He was leaving and there was nothing she could do to make him stay. She walked to the living room and saw him on the couch reading the newspaper and having coffee. She thought of how adorable he looked in his boxers and with his ruffled hair.
"Oh good. You're up." he said cheerfully. She smiled. 
"Coffee?" he asked. She nodded.
She couldn't seem to say anything. Perhaps, she knew that if she did say something she might end up crying. She didn't want him to see her cry but more than anything, she didn't want him to leave. He poured some coffee into a bright orange mug and placed it on the table. She sat across him and took a long sip. She couldn't even seem to look at him. She had this lump in her throat which was killing her inside. She looked out at the rain. She could feel his eyes on her. None of them spoke for sometime. 
"Do you promise to never forget me?" He asked abruptly. 
She looked up. Why did he ask that? Where had that come from? She pretended she didn't hear him and secretly hoped he wouldn't ask her again. She looked away and avoided his gaze.
"Well?" he asked.
This time, She looked straight into his eyes and said.
"How can I ever forget someone who gave me so much to remember?" 

Skinny Love

Waiting. She was waiting for him. A thousand questions running through her head. What if he doesnt come? What if she's just one of the boys for him? what if?

She got up from the bench. He had now made her wait for more than 10mins. She was pretty convinced he wasn't going to show up. She started walking away. The summer breeze blew against her face. It made her hair hit her face over and over again. It was a bad day to keep them open she thought to herself. She looked up, it was a sunny afternoon. the sun kissed her skin warmly. Oh, how she loved summer. 

"Hey there" 

She was startled. "you came" She said. He chuckled. Her heart skipped a beat. His hair was ruffled carelessly. Falling against his face at all the right places. She noticed how his guitar pick was poking out of his jeans. His shirt screamed "Pink Floyd" at her. She loved how hippie he was. 

"Of course i did. Why would I ditch a pretty girl like you?" He beamed. She smiled back with a blush.

He took a pack of Marlboros out of his pocket "You don't mind, do you?" he asked. She shook her head. She wouldn't mind anything he did. He was perfect. Sometimes, his perfection scared her. He took a drag. Neither of them said anything. She liked being around him. Just being with him made her feel all tingly inside. She turned to look at him. He was gorgeous. He hadn't shaved in some time now. His eyes were broody. She wondered if he ever thought about her. He grinned at her "what're you looking at?" He had a boyish grin. You could almost see his eyes light up. They rolled back as he laughed at her. "Nothing" She said and looked away. 

"Hey. look at me" he said and she did. He dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his nike's. Then he grabbed her face and kissed her lips softly. He tasted like cigarettes and coke. 

"whaa-what was that for?" she asked with a confused look when he let her go. "because" he said with another one of his adorable boyish grins "I love it when you look at me like that"

Lolita

She ran out of the ballroom and out of the main gates. Streetlights were lit dimly on either side of the road. A few flickered as she ran past them. Her short black dress glimmered in the moonlight. She held her heels in her hands and kept running, crying all the way. Mascara ran down her sparkling dark eyes. 
It was a beautiful night. The moon shined softly among the stars and broken dreams in the velvet sky. She looked back. No one chased after her. Perhaps, no one even noticed she was gone. Just as she turned to face the streets again, she ran into someone and with a soft thud feel to the ground.
"Jesus. I'm so sorry!" she heard a male voice. She covered her face with her hands and cried, letting out all the frustration she had inside. She had been strong for too long. Her hair fell perfectly on her shoulders, next to her dresses's low neckline. 
"are you okay?" she heard him speak again. 
She looked up. He was gorgeous. It was like her mama said "Always dress your best. You never know when you might run into a dashing stranger" 
He held her shoulders and slowly helped her get up.
"What's your name, love?" He asked flashing her a smile that made her weak in the knees.

"Lolita"  she replied.

Cigarette Stained Kisses

I walked up the stairs, looking back after every two steps to make sure he's following me. Something about him made me feel at ease. It seemed like i could be anyone, do anything around him and he would still love me. I turned back one last time before we reached the top of the building. He took my hand. It was his idea to go to the roof and I agreed to it. Honestly, I would agree to pretty much anything if i get to spend time with him. I loved being around him. He took a cigarette out of his pocket and motioned it towards me as if to ask if i want one too. I shook my head. He shrugged and walked over to the other side while lighting it. I sat down against the railing and watched as he slowly exhaled the smoke into the air. I studied his face, his hair was ruffled and messy, falling on his face at his brow. His expression was blank as if he had nothing going on in his head but his eyes, that looked into infinity right then, seemed to tell a million stories. He never opened up to anyone and i loved being the one person he did to. He turned to look at me, it seemed as if he smiled with his eyes as he spoke; 
"are you sure you don't want a drag, babe?"
I got up and walked to him. I wrapped my arms around him, burried my face into his chest and inahled his scent. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his free hand around my waist. I took the cigarette from him, held it between my fingers gently and brought it to my lips.He watched as i inhaled deeply and allowed the smoke to flow smoothly into my lungs. I looked up at him, He smiled before placing a kiss on my neck. I threw the cigarette away, stood on my toes and kissed him. He kissed back, making my skin feel hot and tingly.  Suddenly, he stopped. 
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"I love you" he said.
I hugged him again, put my head against his chest. I loved how tall he was and how i fit perfectly in his arms, almost like a puzzle. 
"I love you too"
It was then that I realized that there was nowhere I would rather be than here and no one I would rather be with than him.